When I was at school, it was usually a quick-as-possible, I’ve-got-less-than-five-minutes-to-do-this-shit sort of affair. The bathroom was always noisy with people washing and drying their hands and chatting away at the mirror, so I never had to deal with the smaller sounds. It was a slightly awkward, but manageable affair. And if I got to go during class, there was rarely ever anyone else in the bathroom at the same time.
But now at work, people come and go whenever they please, so there’s only occasional and very brief conversation, but there’s always at least one person taking their time in the stall. So now I have to deal with the smaller sounds. Nobody ever told me that when I grew up I would become intimately familiar with the sound of wet shit sliding out of someone else’s ass. God help me, I try to ignore it, but I have been working in the same building with the same people for two and a half years now, and there is only so much I can do to not pay attention to the heavy breathing right next to me as I relieve myself.
So kids I am gonna tell you right now that there may well come a time when you have to look someone in the eye and carry on a professional conversation with them, and all the while you may be thinking inwardly, “I know what you sound like when you poop.” And I just want you to know that this is okay, it is going to be okay, just embrace your poop destiny.
(Source: doctorjaegerbooty, via hobbitbutt)